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I watched Hustlers tonight and I was bored. Don’t get me wrong: it IS fun, entertaining, sexy, and all about girl-power/ friendship/ sisterhood/ camaraderie no doubt. What’s there not to like? Beautiful, expressed, confident women! Beyond all that glitz, the movie itself was drawn out and could have been condensed. The movie has just crossed the $100 million mark apparently but then why not?
People like to watch celebrities they know about aka JLo, Cardi B etc. And then, sex sells. Sex will always sell because people are actually curious about sex and sexuality, want to learn more, be better in sex, be more positive about sex and sexuality, and want to start somewhere – anywhere, and often don’t know where or how to begin. I just wish more people got to learn about sex and sexuality in ways that were personal and relevant to them – not just cliche, hearsay, or popular media.
I know Hustlers is based on a true story. Yet I still wish for more movies that did less stereotyped, typecasting, and less “the morale of the story” type of thing (where life is also packaged as clear black-and-white; do-this-and-then-that-happens-to-you kind of thing).
When sexual behaviours and expressions is portrayed as cautionary tales and/ or ends badly, people get wary of, cynical about, and scared of sex and physical intimacy. Won’t that be a first? People who enjoy sex, love sex, and learn to love and enjoy sex more and more. Can’t we have happy, fulfilled people who become even more happy and fulfilled?
I was asked by my date: If I could make a movie about sexuality, what would it be? Mine would be positive.
It won’t portray:
- Well-meaning parents desperately trying to match-make their kids (China);
- Korean seniors prostituting themselves as they don’t have welfare benefits;
- Public caning of homosexuals in Malaysia;
- Kids who grow up in brothels e.g India;
- Sex trafficking, child prostitution;
- Rising STI and HIV rates.
(Not that all this is not happening and isn’t important to talk about and bring awareness and change to/ for).
But these types of feature films/ documentaries might make less informed people think this is all there is to Asia or Asians. We get lumped into this category of: Scary, bad, dark place. And no, I’m not thinking about tourism dollar when I say this! It’s just not the reality of Asia – that’s all!
I would want people to know that there are plenty of Asians who understand, love, enjoy sex and are fully expressed. I would look for and feature these people – and celebrate them. They have happy lives and they inspire people and their community with their positive sexual attitudes, and positive outlook on life. That’s what I would do if I ever made a movie.
Rather than look at others and blame the system for the lack of sexuality education and meaningful and positive sexuality conversations, let change start from you and me. Get educated. Get informed. Get healed. No more blame, shame, excuses. Let it start from us.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
