Breaking Barriers: How Older Adults can Embrace Their Sexuality

As we age, our attitudes towards sexuality and intimacy can shift. For some, this shift can be a positive one, as older adults embrace their sexuality and find new ways to express themselves. For others, however, it can be a challenge to confront their own biases about older people’s sex lives. Whether it’s through education, open dialogue, or simply being more accepting of the diversity of sexual expression, it’s important to recognize that older adults have the right to explore their sexuality and express themselves in whatever way they choose.

Some changes to expect

Menopause is a natural biological process that occurs in people with vaginas as they age. It is marked by a decrease in the production of the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which leads to changes in a person’s reproductive system. Common symptoms of menopause include hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and mood swings. Menopause can also lead to changes in bone density, which can increase the risk of osteoporosis.

Andropause is the male equivalent of menopause and occurs in people with penises as they age. It is marked by a decrease in the production of the hormone testosterone, which can lead to physical and psychological changes. Common symptoms of andropause include decreased libido, fatigue, depression, and erectile dysfunction. Andropause can also lead to changes in muscle mass and bone density, which can increase the risk of osteoporosis.

This is a common misconception that older adults no longer have an active and enjoyable sex life. Older adults can still have an active and enjoyable sex life. They may need to adjust their expectations and activities to accommodate physical changes that come with aging, but they can still enjoy intimacy and pleasure with their partner.

Older adults embracing their sexuality is an important part of self-care and self-love. It is a way for them to express themselves and to feel connected to their own bodies and desires. As people age, they can become more comfortable with their own sexuality, as well as with the sexuality of others. This can lead to a greater sense of self-confidence and acceptance of their own desires.

One way that older adults can embrace their sexuality is by exploring different types of sexual activities. This could include trying out new positions, exploring different types of pleasure, or experimenting with different types of intimacy. By exploring different types of sexual activities, older adults can gain a better understanding of their own sexuality and what they find pleasurable. This can help them to feel more confident in their own bodies and desires.

These are some specific things they can look into:

Sexual Lubricants – Lube is an important part of sexual pleasure for people of all genders and ages. It can help reduce friction and make sex more enjoyable. For people navigating menopause and andropause, lube can be especially helpful in making sex more comfortable. People with penises may experience dryness due to a decrease in testosterone production during andropause, while people with vaginas may experience dryness due to a decrease in estrogen production during menopause. Lubricants can help reduce friction and make sex more enjoyable for both partners. Water-based lubricants are the most common type of lube, but there are also silicone-based lubricants, oil-based lubricants, and hybrid lubricants available. People should experiment with different types of lube to find the one that works best for them.
Vaginal Moisturisers – Vaginal moisturisers are a type of lube specifically designed to help relieve vaginal dryness. They are often water-based and contain ingredients like hyaluronic acid or aloe vera that help keep the vagina hydrated. Vaginal moisturisers are different from lubricants in that they are designed to be used daily or several times a week to help keep the vagina moist and comfortable. They can be used alone or with a partner during sex, depending on the person’s preference.
Sexual Aids – Sexual aids such as vibrators, penis pumps, penis rings, and vibrating rings can be helpful for people navigating menopause and andropause. Vibrators can help stimulate the clitoris or penis, providing pleasure without the need for manual stimulation. Penis pumps can help increase blood flow to the penis, making it easier to achieve and maintain an erection. Penis rings can help maintain an erection by restricting blood flow out of the penis. Vibrating rings can provide extra stimulation to both partners during sex. It is important to experiment with different products to find out what works best for each individual person.
Sexual Communication – In addition to using sexual aids, it is important to communicate openly with your partner about your needs during menopause and andropause. If you are experiencing any changes in your body or libido, it is important to talk about them with your partner so that they understand what you are going through. This will help ensure that both partners are on the same page when it comes to sex during this time in life. It is also important to talk about any changes in your sexual preferences or desires so that you can both find ways to make sex enjoyable during this time in life.

Older people should be aware that their expectations and activities around sex may need to change as they age. This could include being more open to discussing sexual health issues with a partner, being more patient and understanding of physical limitations, and exploring different ways of expressing intimacy. It is important to be aware of any physical changes that come with aging, such as illness, disease, cancer, disability, and chronic pain. Older people should also consider talking to a healthcare professional about any concerns they may have regarding sexual health. Additionally, it is important to remember that sex can be a positive and enjoyable experience at any age.

At the same time, it is important for older adults to challenge their own biases about older people’s sex lives. Many people have preconceived notions about what older people should or should not do when it comes to sex. These biases can be damaging and can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment. By talking openly about their own desires and experiences, this can help them to feel more comfortable with their own sexuality and to create a more accepting environment for all ages when it comes to sex.

It is also important for older adults to seek out resources that can help them explore their sexuality in a safe and healthy way. There are many books, websites, and other resources available that can provide information about different types of sexual activities, as well as tips for how to stay safe while engaging in sexual activities. By taking advantage of these resources, older adults can gain a better understanding of their own sexuality and how to express it in a healthy way.

In my opinion, it is possible for people to have sex until the day they die. As we age, our bodies may not be able to handle the same level of activity as when we were younger. In short, a different way of doing thing doesn’t mean worse – it’s just that, different. It is important to talk to your doctor and make sure that you are engaging in sexual activities that are safe and comfortable for you. Additionally, it is important to practice safe sex and use protection in order to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections.

Regardless of age, everyone has the right to express their sexuality in whatever way they choose. We need to recognize and challenge any biases we may have about older adults and their sex lives. By embracing the sexuality of older adults, we can help create a more inclusive and accepting society for all.

Recommended Resources

Books:

The New Love and Sex After 60: A Guide for Men and Women for Living Passionately by Robert N. Butler, MD and Myrna I. Lewis, MD
Dr. Ruth’s Sex After 50: Revving Up the Romance, Passion & Excitement by Dr Ruth K Westheimer
The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty: How to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life by Joan Price

Websites:

Other Resources:

For relationship counseling and/ or sexuality counseling, do contact me here.

If you know anybody going through cancer who needs sexuality support, please let them know that they can receive FREE sexuality counseling and support by the Resident Sexologist Dr Martha Tara Lee of Singapore Cancer Society.

Booking for such sessions has been streamlined and is easy now! Please enquire at scs_pss@singaporecancersociety.org.sg

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Masters in Counseling, she launched Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualised and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples who have unconsummated marriage, individuals with sexual inhibitions and discrepancies in sexual desire, men with erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. Dr. Lee welcomes all sexual orientations and is available for online and face-to-face consultations. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.

She is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region (as of 2011) and is also an AASECT certified sexuality educator supervisor (as of 2018). She strives to provide fun, educational, and sex-positive events and is often cited in the media including Huffington Post, Newsweek, South China Morning Post, and more. She is the appointed Resident Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sg, OfZoey.sg, and Virtus Fertility Centre. She is the host of radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. In recognition of her work, she was named one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013), Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019).