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Years ago, somebody I was sleeping with would go Dutch with me every single time even if it was some small amount like AU$5. I felt embarrassed that he would make the cashier go through all that trouble for AU$5.
I couldn’t for the life of me understand why he would sleep with me but not have any spirit of generosity even in a small way. In the meantime, I was visiting his city and stressed out about matching our expenses. At times to avoid my own embarrassment of splitting the bill, I would just pay for it all hoping he’d get the hint that we really don’t need to be so calculative to the cent.
One day, I brought up how I liked it when my dates paid. He was surprised that a feminist like me would believe in such things.
I was like: “What are you talking about? Who doesn’t like a treat? Whilst it’s true that I can pay my own way, money is not just about money. It’s about being considerate of others, to make life just that bit easier for them. For many years, I’ve struggled financially, living month by month, and I still do… so if the treat makes my life a bit easier, that’s appreciated.”
He paused and then said: “All my friends are in my income bracket. They earn about the same or more than me.”
That’s a privilege. Privilege is when you see things from your point of view only, and don’t pause to consider things from the lenses of others. Privilege is when you’re in the majority and don’t bother to make life a little better for those struggling, otherwise known as the underdogs. Use your privilege to make the lives of others better because we all need kindness.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
