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I was asked how to sleep better a few times recently. Since I’ve learned to be an excellent sleeper (can be 8 to 12 hours a day), I have some tips to share:
- Get sleep training (which I don’t offer). Yes, there is such a thing and it’s a worthwhile investment.
- Write down everything in your mind at the end of the day e.g. ideas, grocery list, to-do list. What’s even better is doing this way before sleep e.g. immediately after work as a way to train your brain to compartmentalise/ separate the difference between Work and Personal time.
- More powerful than writing down things, it is important to do self-talking and telling your brain things like: “I have written this down. I won’t forget. I will pick this up tomorrow. I can let this go now.” You control your mind, not let your thoughts control you. This might not seem to work at first, but it does become easier with time and practice.
- Since whatever you have been doing isn’t working, stop telling yourself the same thing e.g. “It’s x o’clock. I still can’t sleep!! (victim role/ complain). Self soothe instead, “It’s ok not to sleep. Just lay here, relax my body, rest my eyes.” (let go of self-pressure/ judgment).
- I attended a mind-training course maybe 20 years ago. Of the many practices I was taught, this is the only one I do to this date. As I am lying down in bed, I do a count down from 10 to 1 and tell myself mentally I am getting sleepier and sleeper, “10… 9…. 8… getting sleepier and sleepier.. 7…” etc. And as I waking up, I do the reverse from 1 to 10, “1… 2… 3… more and more awake.”
- Allocate different spaces within the house strictly for Work and Personal e.g. once you leave your desk, it is personal space.
- Wear different clothes to create mental/ emotional distance for work-personal time. This helps your brain and body to transition better.
- I’ve found that a cold shower (and there is literature around this) before sleep also helps prepare me for deeper sleep i.e. cool down your body temperature. As I’m showering, I’m telling myself mentally, “I’m letting go of my day and ready to rest completely.”
- As I lay in bed, I tell myself mentally, “You worked hard today. You did your best. You did a good job. It is time to rest” (mind to rest), and then I will the rest of my body to relax (scanning for any stress and tension, and relaxing body consciously rather than stress about whether I will fall asleep).
- As I lay in bed, I give myself the permission to enjoy the sensation of laying down and not needing to support my body weight. I also enjoy for a few moments as I am dozing off the pleasure of resting my eyes, the feel of my pillow against my face, or if I’m using it, the weight of my blanket on me and how reassuring, and amazing all this feels.
From a sleep-lover, I hope these personal tips help and support you in sleeping better.
Written: 15 November 2022
Check out my interview with Sleep Coach Zoe here.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
