Become a Patron!Divorce is one of the most traumatic events we go through, and when we reach the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel,” many of us feel that little spring in our step and start to think dating again.
So how can you start off on the right foot when you’re just beginning to dip your toes back into the dating pool?
- Identify where your marriage went wrong.
- Take it slow
- Consider seeing a therapist or a counselor.
- Be honest about your past.
- Above all else, trust yourself.
5 Ways to Start Dating After Divorce
Divorce is one of the most traumatic events we go through, and when we reach the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel,” many of us feel that little spring in our step and start to think about dating again.
So how can you start off on the right foot when you’re just beginning to dip your toes back into the dating pool?
1. Identify where your marriage went wrong
Understand what you did that contributed to the failure of the relationship, you will repeat the same behavior in the next.
Take note of the qualities about your ex that you liked, and note their qualities that you absolutely could never live with again, and drive you to near madness.
2. Take it slow
Give yourself ample time to heal, reflect, and grow.
Don’t rebound into a new relationship (whether it be emotional or sexual) right away. Anyone can hook up, but really pleasurable sex often requires good communication and feeling safe with your partner—and you deserve really good sex. Asking someone to wait for sex can show you a lot about their character and motives.
Dating too eagerly early-on can lead to ‘settling’ and possibly another failed relationship.
3. Consider seeing a therapist or counselor
When emotions get overwhelming, or you’re wrestling with questions about what went wrong, being able to talk it out and gain some unbiased perspective is helpful.
Seek out the assistance of a good therapist to help you sort it all out. Otherwise, you’re at risk of repeating the same mistakes and/or choosing wrong, yet again.
4. Be honest about your past
Don’t be misleading about yourself, your life, or your interests (or kids!) in an online profile or in person. Eventually, the truth will come out, and you don’t want to have wasted your time or efforts.
Once you’ve established some trust and a deeper connection it’s important to be realistic and honest with anyone you move forward with.
But more importantly, you want to find someone who shares your values, and who will like you for who you are.
5. Above all else, trust yourself
Don’t be afraid to end a date or stop dating someone if you sense a ‘red flag.’ Beware of the person who blames their ex for everything.
A divorce is not an easy thing, and dating afterward isn’t something to take lightly. But with a degree of self-awareness, conscious intention, and a touch of confidence, anyone can find love on the other side.
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References:
- Andersen, C. H. (2021, November 2). 14 Tips for Dating After Divorce. Oprah Daily. https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a25858170/tips-for-dating-after-divorce/
- Gandhi, B. (2017, February 5). Dating after divorce: 15 tips to make it easier. TODAY.Com. https://www.today.com/health/dating-after-divorce-15-tips-make-it-easier-t107773
- LaScala, M., & LaScala, M. (2021, November 2). 12 Dating-After-Divorce Tips That Actually Work. Good Housekeeping. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a26537409/dating-after-divorce-tips/
- mindbodygreen. (2021, June 25). Dating After A Divorce? Marriage Experts Weigh In On The Do’s & Don’ts. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/dating-after-divorce
- Smith, N. (2022, April 3). 24 Essential Rules for Dating After Divorce. Survive Divorce. https://www.survivedivorce.com/rules-dating-after-divorce
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
