Become a Patron!
Some years ago, I started text chatting and video chatting with somebody I matched with on a dating app.
On the second video chat, I realised that he had a tendency to continuously turn any conversation back to himself – all about me, me, me. He was also distracted, multitasking, disregarding my time without any qualms about it. I took all that as red flags and discontinued our chats.
This wouldn’t be even worth mentioning if not what followed. I can’t remember how we reconnected years later. He asked me why we stopped contact.
Me: “I think you stopped contacting me.”
Him: “You could have reached out.”
Me: “That’s true… but you didn’t seem interested (leaving out how I wasn’t about to ‘chase’ after anybody ever).”
Him: “What makes you say that? We had some good conversations.”
Me: (deciding to be truthful) “Really? Our conversations were around what you did, what you were going to do, where you were traveling to… it’s was all about you. I was attracted to you. I found you smart and articulate but I also felt you were quite selfish.”
He agreed and that was that. I was relieved he agreed because I wouldn’t have changed my mind about him anyway.
I finally have enough self-love and awareness to alienate narcissistic people before a relationship even starts. I didn’t need to go down that rabbit hole (again).
Subscribe to my mailing list so you never miss a thing.
Enquire about relationship and sexuality counseling and coaching here.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
