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One of my longest friend from polytechnic has a tendency to over explain. Because I cherish the friendship, we have kept in touch over the years despite how different we are. Over time, I notice how drained of energy and how I can’t wait to get away from her each time we meet. Even though we only catch up once in a blue moon, it’s almost as if it’s all I can take much as I care for and love her.
Recently I came across an article about how over explaining is a symptom of trauma. It hit me like a lighting bolt. Of course I know about and empathise with her challenging upbringing and life circumstances, but it never occurred to me to ask what over explaining was really about. What if it wasn’t something she could control?
When we last met, I shared this revelation with love not as a way to judge her but for her to have more understanding of herself. My role as a friend is just to continue to support her. What she decides to do moving on is up to her but she has my love.
Have you been told you have a tendency to over explain? Are you over explaining for fear of being blamed, scolded, or attacked? Did you have demanding parents or a difficult upbringing? We cannot change the past but we can take small steps to heal ourselves. Support is available.
P.S. I have shared this with consent from my friend. Both of us alike desire to help more people bring the unconscious to the surface.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
