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1. It is an unequivocal, engaged, excited “Yes!” to an offer of sexual activity.
2. It is not just passive agreement — it shows the consenting individual actively desires the other person.
3. Enthusiastic consent removes all the awkwardness and fear of uncertainty and replaces it with the unmistakable hotness of getting — and giving — a “Hell yes!”
How To Ask for Enthusiastic Consent?
1. Start with your own boundaries.
Getting consent doesn’t just mean talking to your partner about what they want; it also means getting clear on what you want as well.
2. Practice the language on your own.
If you don’t feel comfortable directly talking about consent with your partner, simply practicing saying the words out loud in front of a mirror. It will feel funny at first, but with repetition, you’ll start to feel more comfortable.
3. Find the language that feels right for you.
There are a million different ways to ask for enthusiastic consent. It’s important for you to find the language that feels right for you.
If someone isn’t keen to do something, don’t pressure them. Don’t force it upon them. Don’t take it personally. Their reason for saying ‘no’ is theirs alone to know unless they decide to tell you.
The important part of consent, enthusiastic or otherwise, is checking in with your partner regularly to make sure that they are still on the same page.
References:
- Marin, V. (2019, April 23). How To Ask for Enthusiastic Consent. Lifehacker. https://lifehacker.com/how-to-ask-for-enthusiastic-consent-1834048510
- Prasad, P. (2019, December 16). Consent Is More Than Just a Yes to Sex, It’s an Enthusiastic Yes. The Swaddle. https://theswaddle.com/enthusiastic-consent/
- Santos-Longhurst, A. (2019, February 13). Your Guide to Sexual Consent. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/guide-to-consent#asking-for-consent
- UNE Life. (2019, December 10). What is enthusiastic consent and do you know enough about it? https://www.unelife.com.au/blog/2019/12/27/how-to-ask-for-enthusiastic-consent
- What Consent Looks Like | RAINN. (2021). The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network. https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
For relationship and sexuality counseling or book me for a workshop, do contact me here.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
