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What is good enough sex? The below include the dimensions of the “Good Enough Sex” model. What do you think of it? Agree/ disagree? What might be in your “Better than Enough” sex?
- Sex is a positive dimension in life, an invaluable part of your individual and couple comfort, intimacy, desire, pleasure, eroticism, and satisfaction.
- Relationship and sexual satisfaction are the ultimate focus and are essentially intertwined. You are an “intimate sexual team.”
- Realistic psychological, biological, and relational expectations are essential for sexual satisfaction.
- Good physical health and healthy behavioral habits are vital for sexual health. You value your sexual body and your partner’s sexual body.
- Relaxation is the foundation for sexual pleasure and response.
- Desire and satisfaction are more important than arousal and orgasms.
- Valuing variable, flexible couple sexual experiences (the “85 percent approach”) and abandoning the “need” for perfect individual sex performance inoculates you against sexual dysfunction by overcoming performance pressures, fears of failure, and partner rejection.
- The five purposes for sex (pleasure, intimacy, tension reduction, self-esteem, reproduction) are integrated into your sexual relationship.
- Integrate and flexibly use the three sexual arousal styles (partner interaction, self-entrancement, role enactment).
- Gender differences are respectfully valued and similarities mutually accepted.
- Sex is integrated into real life and real life is integrated into sex. Sexuality is developing, growing and evolving throughout your life.
- Sexuality is personalized: Sex can by playful, energizing, spiritual, special.
Resource: Metz, Michael & McCarthy Barry (2010). Enduring Desire. Routledge.
For relationship and sexuality support, please contact me here.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 12 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She is also a Red Tent Women’s Circles Facilitator from Star of Ishtar.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Resident Sexologist for PinkLifestyle.com; as well appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
