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I was observing three older Chinese men talking at a cafe because they were SO loud. It is pretty typical growing up and in Singapore actually but I decided to take some time to observe since I do like people watching.
I observed:
- They were talking to one another at the top of their voices.
- They would raise their already loud voices even louder if there seems to be a disagreement to their point (as if being even louder would mean being clearer and drowning out other voices).
- They were sitting near one another and at the same table, but won’t actually look at one another. There was absolutely no eye contact.
- They would gesture and wave their arms about while talking.
- They would be oblivious to what a nuisance and disturbance they were to those around them.
I didn’t actually understand any of what they were saying as it was in dialect – but loud is still loud. I was irritated but of course (being a typical Asian as they are) would never think of telling anybody to lower their voices – much less people older than myself. I was already wearing my ear plugs.
I was triggered because it is the same behaviour I witnessed growing up – and even though time has passed, older people still behaved the same. Of course, it was the same irritated feelings from my childhood coming up – and the desire to escape.
The communicator in me questioned:
- Do they actually think they are effective communicators?
- Did they ever reflect on the way they tend to communicate and how they could communicate in better ways
- Are they communicating to communicate or to win?
- Do they even care about being the nuisance that I think they are to others?
And most of it… am I like them? Has communication and being an effective communicator always been important to me? If yes, why?
Then it dawned on me… perhaps I wanted to be an effective communicator precisely because I watched people like them many a years ago – and had these same questions… and so embarked on this journey to learn more so as to be the best communicator I could be. And so… maybe I have people like them to thank!
#lifeislikethat #goingincircles #cannotmakeitup #zen #reflection #irony
Be a better communicator in all areas of your life. For life/ sexuality/ relationship coaching/ counseling, please hire me!
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
