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I started to date a new person only a few times, yet he already brought up marriage a couple of times. Recently when he brought it up again, I replied why it won’t work between us.
Instead of trying to understand my point of view, he went into blame of how I was hurting him “And you hurt my feelings again”. The rest of the WhatsApp texting involved me trying to elaborate and him not “listening” and being dismissive.
He ended with:
“We had a great two days together now you go ruin it”
“I will never tease you or bother you again sorry”
Wow, “now you go ruin it”.
Since when did speaking my truth (however clumsy) become my fault? And since he went so far to draw a line in the sand (so quickly), I didn’t see the need to reply further. I dodged a bullet there!
Five days later: “Are you ready to start being nice to me again?”
Me: “Please keep to your words. Thanks.” (replying to his original text “I will never tease you or bother you again sorry”).
And then I blocked him. Please recognise when somebody is being manipulative and controlling and end things, instead of wasting time or energy trying to heal or change somebody. If they can behave badly (and know they can get away with it) at the start of a relationship, things will definitely get worse!
I have learned much through my studies, clients, experiences, and friends. You can seek relationship and sexuality coaching/ counseling support here www.eroscoaching.com/services.
#toxic #relationships #dating #selflove
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
