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There were many times in my life when I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself – but I did know that helping people gave me the most joy.
Volunteer dynamics/ evolution (in my opinion):
- Can do it – At first, I volunteered because I finally could (I was in a toxic relationship before where I allowed my freedom to be taken away, and I wasn’t “allowed” to do volunteer work).
- For the “high” – Volunteer work made me feel good. Feel-good hormones like serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine may be released when a person sees a direct positive result from their good deed.
- “I am a good person” – Prove to oneself; getting to know oneself (not the people I am helping).
- “I better, you worse” – Pity/ sympathize with others (about them) i.e. “You poor thing”.
- “Just be love” – They don’t need my pity. They can help themselves. They just need some support. I just do what I do because it is WHO I am – not need to prove to myself OR others.
As the way I viewed my volunteer work started to evolve, the more I started to do what I did without the “stories” or “drama” around it anymore. I didn’t expect any rewards/ appreciation/ praise/ celebration of me.
- I just showed up consistently for what I felt were purer reasons – “I helped because I cannot help but help.”
vs. - “See! I am helping!”
- “I help because it feels good.”
- “I help because I am a good person.”
- “I help because there are people who need help.”
Whatever your helping “stage” is, it really doesn’t matter so much as you knowing it for yourself. Afterall, helping is helping. I’m not saying all this to make anybody feel bad. I am just highlighting that everything can be an evolution – even your relationship with volunteering (as would be your relationship with your parents, sexuality, money etc). There is no good/ bad – just is.
May we all return to, and repeatedly to, pure love. May all be well.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She is also a Red Tent Women’s Circles Facilitator from Star of Ishtar.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
