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It isn’t enough to just show up at work, and be paid for just what we do anymore. We can’t just show up physically and mentally, and park the rest of ourselves at home under the blanket. We are, and rightly so, expected to bring our best game, and show up fully and completely. We tend to find it easier over time to be professional and separate our thoughts, feelings and emotions from what needs achieved because we are expected, trained, taught and encouraged to do so. We are able to survive (even thrive) at work because we aren’t necessarily always emotionally vested – and know better than to take everything personally.- We need to try to regulate our energy at work. Take breaks from the desk.
- Have solo lunches where we pack our own lunches and eat in isolation to calm down our nervous system, instead of braving the lunch crowds, catching up on office politics and gossip, and getting back to our desks more exhausted than replenished.
- Catch a quick lunch and take a short walk and/ or nap at work if needed.
- Be our own advocates about what is an acceptable work-load with clearly stated expectations, outcomes, and deadlines.
- Seek out, ask for, or work out a flexible schedule that suits your personality and lifestyle where possible.
- Apply some of the own skills we apply at work into our personal lives.
- Explore own need to change/ control their partners out of their own insecurities and need for safety in the relationship.
- Seek out personal or couple counseling earlier than later. The more the negative emotions around an issue/ issues, the more challenging it is to resolve.
- Not take everything their partner think/ feel/ do as personal – they too are working through their issues including childhood programming, and traumas.
- Apply compartmentalisaion, time management, on problem-solving rather than having the same fights.
- Communicate about your communication – we have quarterly reviews, year-end reviews and what not, yet don’t do satisfaction/ performance reviews in the most important relationships in our life.
- Not resort to name-calling and other types of abusive behaviours that would have gotten us fired if we did the same at work.
- Self-care – Schedule time for sleeping, eating, exercising, dating and sex (and guard the time that is important for us)!
- Schedule me-time/ alone-time/ pamper-day because it is only when we have time and space to rest can we feel replenished and have a zest for life (come out and play).
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She is also a Red Tent Women’s Circles Facilitator from Star of Ishtar.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
