My day started really bad. I missed not just my skype training for module 3 of my couples relationship training at 3 a.m., but also my own radio show at 5 a.m! That’s for another blog post, but this one is about my hair.

I did have a 10 a.m. meeting at Novena. I got over enough of my own shock, anger and frustration with myself to have a nice catch-up session. Afterwards, I went to the gym and, on a whim, decided to go for one of those S$10 haircuts.

Chinese New Year is next week. It’s tradition to have spring cleaning – clear out the old, and bring in the new – new clothes, haircut – for more luck.

I’ve been feeling for some time sluggish. My hair is super long now to the point it is really starting to feel heavy being all attached to my head – reaching to my waist. I asked my hairstylist to cut it five inches shorter (about the length of some penises). It all went pretty alright.

Until I told my hairstylist to trim my fringe… from below my eye.

I even gestured with my fingers twice.

Now, I said that twice.

I do not like my fringe to be shorter than eye level because as my fringe grows out, the hair pokes into my eye balls. It hurts.

My hair does that because it’s very fine. I’ve had partners who complain about my hair because when it’s that fine… it’s ticklish in a way it isn’t with their other lovers.

To my horror… she began to create a fringe by cutting shorter… and shorter until it was above my eye level.

Three snips and I got exactly what I did not want.

I wanted to scream.

Instead I raised my voice only a notch, “I said… below eye level.”

She looked at me blankly, proceeding to return me my mobile phone, and whisking me off the barber’s chair.

No apology.

Nothing.

Does she actually listen to her customer? Is there any job satisfaction at all? Where is her pride in her work?

I went home. Feeling numb. I wanted to scream and cry.

While I was in the shower washing out my hair just now, I thought to myself, Can it get any worse?

Then it struck me.

Actually it can.

Like if she (the grass chopper) had cut off all of my hair.

LIke if I actually lost all of my hair.

I thought of my mom.

She’s lost all of her hair through chemo… twice.

And right now, she has opted for chemo pills instead of the more invasive chemotherapy.

When I asked her why not chemo, her reply was quick, “Chemo… Will lose hair.”

I’m certain there’s more to chemo than the loss of hair, such as naseau and loss of appetite, but this was her answer.

I decided there and then in the shower that I would cut off all my hair should she need to go for chemo a third time.

I’d choose life over hair any time, and I would cut mine off as a sign of support.

As suspected, after washing out my hair, my fringe was already poking at one of my eye balls.

Looks like it’s back to hair clips until my hair grows out.

Ultimately it’s all about perspective.

And I do have a choice how I decide to lead my life.

I choose to focus on:

• the good – like being alive
• the big – like my work
• the living – like my mom
• me – like being the most version of who I can be.

I have lots to be grateful, and really little to complain about.

And so I won’t.

What about you?

Who is Martha?

Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. She is the author of the book Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and the host of the weekly radio show Eros Evolution on OMTimes Radio. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com or email info@eroscoaching.com.

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