I loved this book by Susan Jeffer. It goes without saying that the message of the book is to feel the fear and do it anyway.

Mind you, confronting your fears does not mean doing anything that may (even if remotely) hurt you physically. This is not the kind of fear the book will have you partake of – it is stated clearly from the beginning. Instead, the three levels of fears mentioned include 1) surface story; 2) fear of bad things happening and involving doing things that require you to act; 3) and the ultimate fear: ‘I can’t handle it!’.

The book does not just talk about fear, but defines it and comes up with plenty of practical ways we can overcome it – one step at a time. Using her own life story and case studies, Jeffers is a trailblazer. Remember, this is a classic that saw its 20th anniversary five years ago! Jeffers herself went on to produce many other books and CDs – each as good as the next (some of which I hope to review in the future.)

A breast cancer survivor and on her second (happy) marriage, she has been there, done that, and returned to share her insights along the journey with us. She introduces tools like the Pain-to-Power Chart, Affirmations, and No-Lose Decision-Making Model. The back of the book contains an invaluable guided visualisation for ‘fear busting’.

I actually first read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway® when I was going through my divorce. The book helped give me the strength and courage to feel the fear and then go on to live through the horror of divorce. One of my all-time favourite quotations is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” This book shows the way.

I have faced a lot of things in my life. I have overcome a lot of my fears. Yet, I continue to meet with new challenges and fears. This makes life interesting, worthwhile, and even exciting. We all have fears. Rather than be paralysed by fear into inaction, it’s what we do in spite of our fears that truly makes a difference.

By learning to prevent negative self-talk and turning limiting beliefs around, we can all be lighter, positive, empowered, clear and in-control. I strongly recommend this as the first book introducing you to the work of Susan Jeffers.

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Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email info@eroscoaching.com.