This post first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

This is my first entry as the newest blogger for Good Vibrations Magazine.

As the only Asia-born, -bred and -based sexologist (Singapore to be precise) for this magazine, I plan to comment on sexuality news in Asia, or all matters related to sexuality through my eyes. In so doing, I hope to offer a different and perhaps interesting perspective to readers.

To give you a little bit of background, I am not just of Singaporean nationality; I am Chinese by race; I am a daughter, sister and auntie. I am engaged to be remarried this December. I am a vegetarian by choice. I volunteer for causes I believe in, namely, women’s rights, sexual education and AIDS awareness in Singapore. Foremost, I am a woman, a feminist and proud to be all of the above.

Like most good little Asian girls, I did not grow up dreaming of becoming a sexologist. I wanted to be an actress. I dabbled in it as a teenager only to give it up, because I couldn’t envision myself being a successful one. (That, and the distaste of being told what to do, wear and how to look onstage.)

I was told I had a gift with words. I studied mass communication, went into public relations, and did so with some success for eight years. My divorce shook me out of my comfort zone. I became disillusioned with love, life, sex and money and the pursuits of same. I asked myself what I would do if I was not afraid: I started a non-profit helping young people in the area of career guidance. I was so busy doing the whole gamut for two years, from fund raising, volunteer recruitment, management, and document control to programs development, that I never really stopped to ask myself why I was not happy.

I called it quits and finally answered the question: what would I really do if I was not afraid?

I realized that I could have but did not work directly with the same young people I was trying to help. Deep down, I was afraid of being judged. I was scared of being thought arrogant enough to think I could be of help. Was I smart enough? What if being good wasn’t enough? Yet if I was not afraid, that is what I would be doing: working directly with the people I want to help. Managing a non-profit gave me satisfaction but not joy.

By that point, I had already been volunteer counseling for three years. I also had two degrees, one in communications and another in public policy, by then. What could consolidate all of my education, work experience, volunteer work, and interests? I saw a gap existing, where there were no real or positive conversations about sexuality in Singapore, not to mention a dire lack of support when it comes to sexual issues.

I researched and decided to pursue my Doctorate in Human Sexuality with the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California. I now have my own practice: Eros Coaching.

I do not think sex is the end all and be all. I do not think that sex is the most important thing in a person’s life. I do not think sex is the most important thing in a relationship. It can be for some people at some times in some relationships. I do think sex is one of the most important things that we can and should be talking about, because it can affect a person’s sense of self as well as well-being. Sex is more than just a physical act; it involves the body, mind, heart and spirit. Sex holds great possibilities for self growth and ecstasy.

I did not dream of being a sexologist. Yet sexology is everything I could dream of doing. I am honored to be a channel of compassion, hope, and positivity.

If you have any comments please feel free to leave them here. Thank you for reading.